We Can Work This Out
A Marriage and Family Therapist's Solution for a Constitutional Bromance Gone Bad, If I Had the Chance
After almost 5 decades of practicing as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I thought that I’d seen it all. Then walks in a middle-aged man and an elderly man who expressed concern over a recent negative rift in their otherwise positive working relationship, while making improvements on the legislative branch of the United States government. As with most couples or partners, in the beginning of their relationship, their history was positive, exciting, and mutually supportive. They both expressed how committed they were to restoring integrity back to the government.
Even though most of my couples in crisis were marriages in oftentimes a divorce crisis, I sometimes work with a “couple” who are business partners who were recently at odds with one another. Oftentimes the two are blood related, as well as involved in a business partnership which usually adds to an increased emotional component.
This particular partnership just happened to be President Donald J. Trump and his “very good friend” a past avid financial supporter Elon Musk, a successful entrepreneur and, in Elon’s words “the richest man on earth.” President Trump asked if he could utilize my sliding scale fee, but I assured him that they did not qualify.
After taking the usual intake information, and as with all clients, I promptly assessed what their goals were. Largely adhering to Solution Focused Theory, I tend to discourage lengthy diatribes and complaints about the other and get them to begin focusing on how they actually would like this conflict to work out. Once they were able to set their anger and resentment aside, we were able to develop a mutual treatment plan agreeable to all. We did have to spend some time working through President Trump’s difficulty with Musk’s accusation that Trump was on the Epstein list.
I attempted to just highlight their strengths, builds on past cooperation, and avoid pathologizing. I told them that “I don’t need the full story of what went wrong. I just need to know what a better tomorrow looks like for both of you.”
I often utilize what is referred as to the “miracle question.” I asked them “Let’s suppose tonight, while you’re sleeping, a miracle happens. When you wake up tomorrow, your relationship is repaired, but you don’t know a miracle occurred. What would be the first small signs that things were better?”
Elon’s Response: “I’d wake up and see that I’m not being attacked on Truth Social.”
Trump’s Response: “I’d hear Elon publicly say I’m a winner, preferably at a rally.”
Okay, now were getting somewhere. “Now let’s look at some exceptions to your conflict and when you two worked really well together.” They reminisced about early Twitter exchanges in 2016–2017, joint enthusiasm about innovation, deregulation, cutting back on waste, fraud, and abuse in government spending, and space exploration, as well as the shared humor and mutual admiration. I then stated “Let’s explore what you both were doing differently then. What could you repeat from that time in the present?” They both expressed they were willing to take some steps. I could see we were making progress.
Next, a little complimenting and reframing. I expressed to Trump: “You value loyalty, and that shows how deeply you invest in people once you let them in.” And then to Musk: “You value loyalty, and that shows how deeply you invest in people once you let them in.” I then stated, “You’re both disruptors in your own ways, maybe this is a temporary crash before the next innovation.” I could see a smile forming on their faces.
As we were coming to the end of the session, I gave them some homework they could work on between now and when I saw them next. I said, “Between now and our next session, I’d like each of you to do one small thing that signals goodwill to the other. something that doesn’t require agreement, just respect.” I then reminded them of the main reason they sacrificed so much time and energy over the last year; they both loved the United States of America, and were dedicated to “making it great again,” and how effective they were as a team.
We all stood up, shook hands, and I could hear them joking with each other as they were leaving my office. I believe our great Country is again in good hands. I’ve seen worse dysfunctional conflicts resolved between formerly cooperative and friendly partners, so I have confidence these two can more than patch things up. I wish them both well.